Sunday
May272012

Graduation

My husband graduated with his engineering degree on a beautiful, sunny Saturday.

He wanted to keep things low-key, so we had a barbecue after, just family.

(In fact, he told me he didn't even need that.

"But I want to make it special for you," I said.

"Every day hanging out with you and the kids is special," he replied.) 

Love the pics at the end with the kids in the graduation hat...

XOXO

P.S. I just realized I don't have any pictures of his mom in here. She was taking the pictures...lovely to have her with us on this special this day...

Tuesday
May222012

Up In The Air

This has been a really hard post to write for some reason...I've started it like five times...but today I'm going to write it and hit "publish" so I can maybe quit obsessing over all that's going on...

My husband just graduated from college with an engineering degree (he went back to school on the GI Bill), and a few months ago we though he had found a job in Salt Lake City and that we were set. It was a great job, and I was excited about SLC because it's not far from my family and it's in the West where I feel most comfortable and there's so much great outdoor stuff going on (hiking, snowboarding, etc.)

Well, we found out right around the time the babies were born that that job is not going to happen. We were a lot less upset about it than we would have been otherwise, because we had just had two beautiful healthy babies and figured that's all that really matters, right?

So now my husband is job hunting. Which doesn't really scare me...he's got a great resume and I don't think it's going to be a problem for him to get a job. Plus we're living pretty cheaply right now and there's no financial pressure for him to start working right away. And honestly it's ideal to have him at the house at the moment 24/7...he helps sooooooo much with the twins....ladies who do this on their own, I am in awe of you...don't know how you do it.

So I'm not worried about the job part. The part that is freaking me out a little is the moving. My husband's looking in the town where we live, but it's unlikely that he'll be able to find what he's looking for (it's a small town without a lot of opportunity). He's also looking in Colorado and Utah, either of which would keep us close to family and so wouldn't be such a big deal.

But we're also open to moving away. Maybe somewhere I know I want to go (eg, Seattle). But more likely somewhere I've never lived (right now there's talk of Virginia and Minnesota).

I hate change in general and moving in particular. There's fear surrounding going to a new place. But the biggest thing for me is not living near my family. Especially with the twins...it's really important to me that they are close to my parents. I've actually got a lot of grief tied up in this...it's so hard, and also I don't want to hurt my mom and dad in any way. There have definitely been tears and sleepless nights on my part over this, and my husband and I don't even know what we're doing yet.

Anyway, I'm trying really hard to look on the bright side/focus on the positives, such as:

 

  1. We might end up close by, in which case all this worrying is for nothing
  2. My parents like to travel and will come see us (we'll make sure wherever we end up there's a nice place for guests)
  3. We can come visit as a family, and I can come for extra visits with the kids
  4. There's phone and email and iChat etc.
  5. I was VERY close to my grandparents growing up, even though they lived in another state, because my parents sent me to stay with them twice a year (Seattle in the summer, Mexico in the winter) for weeks at a time...some of the best memories of my life...we can do the same with our kids
  6. My husband having a job is going to be amazing. We've done fine while he's been in school, but it'll be nice not to have the weight of providing for the family on my shoulders
  7. Him having a job also means I can work part time, which is huge, as all I want to do is be at home with the twins (I freelance/telecommute so I can work from anywhere, which is a blessing)
  8. A new town/city is going to be cool. I like exploring new places
  9. A new house to decorate will be super fun
  10. Also looking forward to being somewhere where I can settle in and be a bit more sociable than I've been here. I've had a hard time making friends here, which has never been the case for me. Part of it is when I moved here, I was so overwhelmed with grief over my brother's death that I didn't want to be around people I didn't know well. Plus I traveled a ton for work and pleasure, and got to see a lot of friends doing that, so there wasn't a huge need to make new ones. And I had my parents to hang out with

 

Anyway, lots to look forward to with this next chapter in our lives, wherever it may take us. And wherever we go, it doesn't have to be forever. That's the other thing...I always worry so much about making decisions like this because I feel like I have to make the "right" decision. But whatever we decide, we can change if it ends up not working for us.

Just trying really hard not to stress about all this and enjoy the here and now, which is me and my husband at home (I have one more month of maternity leave), my parents close by, a beautiful spring-moving-into-summer, great opportunities on the horizon...

Friday
May182012

Luke's Diary: Month 2

Hi!

Luke here. :) Mommy said I can do the two month update, since Zoey got to do the one month one. Things are pretty great! Daddy was finishing with school this month, so Grandma Peggy spent lots of time with us...it was so fun...we love Grandma Peggy!

Here's Sissy in the basket we used to share:

We're really too big to fit in it together now. These days, we make the rounds between the basket, the swinging chair and the bouncy chair. I miss sleeping next to Sissy, though. 

Speaking of sleep, Daddy has been staying up with us from 10 to 4 or 5, and then Mommy hangs out with us in the morning while Daddy sleeps. They are so much more rested than they were when they were both feeding us at every feeding. 

Here's another picture of Sissy:

And a couple of me:

And some of us together:

Everyone says me and Sissy are such easy babies. Except she wants what she wants when she wants it. Daddy made up a voice for her when she gets like that...kind of like an old-fashioned diva movie star, like Katharine Hepburn.

"Daddy!" Daddy says in his Zoey voice. "Feed me now, Daddy!"

Or: "Cuddle me, Daddy."

I just have a normal baby voice when Daddy does me, because most of the time I'm like, whateves. I do get some uncomfortable gas sometimes, though. Daddy says that's because my gasometer is broken.

We went on a picnic at the lake a little while ago, and Sissy got fussy and Grandpa Steve took her so Mommy could finish her dinner:

Grandpa Steve took her to the playground, and when they came back he told us they had had a career talk.

"Zoey doesn't want to be a writer like Mommy or an engineer like Daddy," he said. "She told me she wants to be a pediatrician or a fireman or maybe a pharmacist."

Grandma Charlotte came out for Daddy's graduation. I was so happy to see her again:

Here are some more pictures of Sissy:

And here she is with Daddy:

He does stuff like turn us upside down all the time. We love Mommy, but Daddy's the one who makes us laugh. Like when Mommy reads us a story, she just reads the words on the page. But when Daddy reads us a story, he makes up other stuff to go along with it. Like when he reads The Very Hungry Caterpillar, he gives the caterpillar a silly name like Federico McFuzzy Pants. And we get asides on stuff like caterpillar backstory and motivation.

And one night, we were crying for food and Daddy and Mommy weren't moving fast eonugh for me and Sissy and Daddy said in my voice: "Stupid cows." (He calls himself the man cow, and the formula he gives us fake moo. He calls Mommy the Mama Cow, and her milk the real moo.)

"Stupid cows," he said in my voice. "What does a boy have to do to get some milk around here?" And then later he looked up on the internet to see if there was a song named Stupid Cow and there was and it was a techno song and he did a little dance pretending it was me...my same jerky arm movements and everything. He made Mommy laugh so hard!

Or sometimes he'll make jokes. Like Sissy has a birthmark on her leg, and you know we were in the freezer as embryos before we got put into Mommy's tummy. Daddy says the mark on Sissy is freezer burn.

Mommy can be funny too, like when she and Daddy race to see who can get their baby buckled into the car seat the fastest. (They double and triple check for safety, afterwards, though.) But mostly she just hugs us and cuddles us and feeds us and burps us and changes us, gives us baths, rocks us and generally loves on us. (Daddy does all that too. Except for the bath part.) Mommy reads to us a lot, too, sometimes age-appropriate books, but she's also been reading me and Sissy poems out of her Poetry magazine, and I think she's been reading Sissy Vogue, too.

Here's Mommy and my grandmas on Mother's Day:

Daddy helped me and Sissy with presents for Mommy. She said it made her sooooooo happy.

Those outfits we have on are outfits Mommy wore when she was a baby, by the way. Don't we look cute in them?

Bye for now! (And Mommy says to say thanks for stopping by.)

Luke

 

Month One

Sunday
May132012

They Grow Up So Fast...

Last week, I was in the store buying a graduation card for my husband. I had the twins with me, in their stroller. Next to me was an older woman, also looking at graduation cards. And crying.

"My daughter's graduating from high school," she told me. "It's just now hitting me, I guess."

I put my hand on her arm and said, "That must be so hard, I can only imagine."

She gestured towards the twins in the stroller. "Enjoy your time with them," she said. "They grow up so fast."

And I know that is absolutely the case. My mom was saying yesterday, "The babies don't seem like newborns anymore. They're little babies now." They have already outgrown some clothes. And this past week we went from newborn diapers to size 1.

Today, Mother's Day, I've been sitting in the rocking chair, breastfeeding my kids individually and rocking them, stroking their heads and just being very quiet and still with them, trying to make time slow down. My husband says the way to make time go slower, to enjoy them more, is not to have a lot going on, to keep our days as open and free as possible, so there's plenty of time for just rocking babies. 

Part of me is really looking forward to seeing how these kids grow and change. Another part...a big part...wants to freeze time and have things as they are now forever. Breaks my heart to think of them as 18 and heading off for college. I'm sure I'll be crying in the graduation card section, too...

XOXO

 

Tuesday
May082012

A Psychic, a Birthmark, and Some Thoughts on Reincarnation

Hi Everyone! Happy Tuesday!

I'm getting all hippie and "new agey" around here today...be forewarned...

So my mom went to see a psychic a few years ago, in relation to my brother/her son's death. Recently, she told me about it, and let me listen to a recording of the session. Lots of really interesting things in there, including something really remarkable about my children that I want to share.

The psychic was talking as though my brother were communicating with her, and she said there was a little girl with him, a real chatterbox, and that that little girl would come into our lives. And it's easy to think that that little girl was Zoey, because, no question, she is our chatterbox.

But here's the cool part. The psychic said several times throughout the session that my brother kept pointing to his left leg...she kept asking my mom did he have a scar or tattoo there? Or did Kristen? (They talked about me quite a bit in the session.) My mom said no, but it kept coming up. 

Well, Zoey has a very prominent birthmark on her left leg. And I know it could just be coincidence, but I get goose bumps thinking about it.

On a related note, I wrote before about the possibility that my brother could be reincarnated into one of my children, and I thought before they were born that it would be very clear to me if that happened. The reality...you know, some days I think maybe my son Luke is my brother's soul or whatever you want to call it reincarnated. I like to think of him and Zoey together, like the psychic was saying, and then coming down to be with me. It's like Luke (my son) brought a friend with him, to travel through life with him, and that makes me smile.

But other times, I'm not so sure...I feel like my brother is watching over all of us, and will be there for me when I die, neither of which can really be the case if he's been reincarnated, right? Also, my son is so very mellow and laid back...whereas "intense" is the word I would use to describe my brother. There was nothing mellow about him.

Either way, it doesn't really matter. I will always see and treat my son as his own individual and unique person.

Who knows if there's any validity to all this, anyway. It just gives me comfort to think that there might be...

Hope everyone's having a lovely week.

XOXO